Arrested Development
by Ruthie
Summary: For Sam, this was a moment of realisation that Rodney’s parents were actually worse than the man himself this was something that would take her a little time to get used to. SamMcKay
1. Default Chapter

Title: Arrested Development  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Feedback: Just click on my name!  
  
Spoilers: None  
  
Summary: They're supposedly the two most intelligent people in the universe - but they seem to be having great difficulty with solving a simple problem. (Sam/McKay)  
  
Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.  
  
Warnings: Contains McKay, Implied and some mild sexual situations  
  
Details: Sam/McKay established relationship. You have been warned!! Part 1 of a series.  
  
Author Notes: McKay warning: I've told you twice now that he's in it, so don't go complaining if you read it and don't like him. Hope that you do enjoy it, though, and please send feedback (good or bad).  
  
Archive: Heliopolis, Gateworld,  
  
Arrested Development  
  
Copyright © Ruth, 2004  
  
"Sam?" McKay asked quietly, feeling immensely stupid.  
  
"Yeah?" She called from the kitchen.  
  
He could barely bring himself to admit to the problem he was currently having. He was the most intelligent man in the universe, for crying out loud! Not only was this problem embarrassing, but it was so stupid…  
  
"Could you come in here for a minute?" He pleaded, mentally kicking himself as he sounded like a small child.  
  
"You know what happened last time I walked away from the kitchen whilst I was cooking…" she warned, "If I lose my focus, anything could happen…"  
  
"I know, sweetie," he grinned, knowing that this would rile her enough to bring her out from the kitchen.  
  
She appeared then, hands on her hips, glaring at him. He smiled sweetly back at her.  
  
"What did I tell you about…?" He interrupted her.  
  
"I know, but this is really important…" he whined.  
  
She relented, and sat down beside him on the carpet, in front of the television.  
  
"What is it?" She asked, fixing him with her gaze.  
  
"I…could use your technical expertise on something," he said, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear, "Darling."  
  
"You mean you can't do it yourself?" Sam smirked removing his hand to hold it in hers, "Whatever could it be? Darling."  
  
He muttered something quickly under his breath and turned away. She didn't hear him.  
  
"What? I didn't hear you," she laughed, grabbing his shoulder and turning him back around to face her.  
  
"The VCR!" He blurted out, "I can't program it."  
  
Sam sat back on her heels and bit back a laugh. He glared at her.  
  
"Don't you dare," he warned.  
  
She shook her head, and bit down on her lip.  
  
"It's not funny!" He added, thrusting the instruction manual under her nose.  
  
"No," she agreed, picking up the manual and unsuccessfully trying to cover a snort of amusement.  
  
"I'll go check on the dinner," he said, with a sniff of annoyance, "If you haven't already cremated it."  
  
She grinned after him, and turned back to the VCR. It was too ironic to even contemplate - McKay, the joint-world's-foremost-expert-on-the-Stargate could not even complete so simple a task as programming the video recorder. It wasn't like the instructions were in Japanese, anyway…any old fool could do it!  
  
Five minutes later, to her great embarrassment, Samantha Carter, the other world's-foremost-expert-on-the-Stargate, found that she was not one of these fools.  
  
"This is ridiculous," she murmured, pressing another button and cursing under her breath as it did not have the effect she had desired.  
  
"Can't do it either?" McKay mocked from behind her, "Seems like we're neither of us so intellectually advanced, sweetie."  
  
"Don't call me that," she grumbled, "Anyway, you're ruining my concentration."  
  
"Oh, sorry," he said, and continued to stand silently behind her.  
  
Another five minutes passed, and she had to admit defeat.  
  
"Rodney, get down here," She sighed, sitting back against the couch.  
  
"You want me to go down where?" he asked, with mock astonishment.  
  
"Would you get your head out of the gutter for a moment?" She laughed.  
  
He came to a rest beside her, and drew his knees up to his chest.  
  
"This is…"  
  
"…ridiculous."  
  
"I know. I mean, we're the worlds' foremost experts on the Stargate, and yet…"  
  
"We can't program a video recorder."  
  
"Maybe we're reading the instructions wrong," he said, and took the manual from her hand to study it again.  
  
"I don't think so," she argued, "We've read it through a couple of times each, we can't have missed anything."  
  
"We just need to come back and look at it later," he suggested, "Fresh start, clear head, and all that."  
  
"I don't think that'll do any good," she said, her brow creased in concentration, as she studied the book again.  
  
"You haven't tried yet," he said, sliding his arms around her waist. Once there, his fingers idly began to play with the hem of her shirt.  
  
"Oh, wait!" She exclaimed suddenly, "I think we forgot something."  
  
He cursed in annoyance as she pulled away from him and went back over to the machine.  
  
She pressed a button and sat back, a smirk the size of Arkansas spreading over her face.  
  
"Rodney, honey - you forgot one vitally important thing with all electrical equipment," she said, throwing him the manual.  
  
It fell open in his lap on the first page. One stupidly simple instruction leered back at him.  
  
Step 1: Press the power button.  
  
Sam doubled over on the floor as he slammed the manual shut.  
  
"You missed it too!" He said, indignantly, "That makes you just as dumb as me!"  
  
She didn't reply, but gradually calmed herself and sat up again.  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean…" She began, but he held up his hand to stop her.  
  
"Sam? Can you smell something burning?" He asked innocently.  
  
"Aw, crap!" She moaned, getting up hurriedly from the floor and rushing to the kitchen again.  
  
McKay shook his head in amusement.  
  
"Want me to ring for take-out now or later?" He called, with a smirk.  
  
The End  
  
Author's Note: So, what do you think? Could you bring yourself to read any more? 


	2. Arrested Development 2

Title: Arrested Development 2 

Rating: Teens (13+)

Feedback: above email address

Spoilers: None

Summary: McKay's having problems once again… (Sam/McKay)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Warnings: Contains McKay, implied sexual relations

Details: Sam/McKay established relationship. You have been warned! Part 2 of a series.

Author Notes: McKay warning: Yep, he's in it again, so don't read it if you don't like this sort of thing. Hope that you do enjoy it, though, and please send feedback (good or bad). Sorry about the HUGE delay in getting this up, real life has gotten in the way of my muse, unfortunately.

Archive: Heliopolis, Gateworld,

Arrested Development 2

Copyright © Ruth, 2005

Samantha Carter awoke to find the sun streaming in through the window, covering her room in a warm glow. She smiled and turned over to the cool side of the pillow, hoping to get just another 30 minutes' sleep.

Her image of tranquillity was prematurely shattered by her partner's expletives from the kitchen, which you could quite easily have heard on Mars.

With a groan of annoyance she turned over, hoping that whatever he was having a problem with soon got sorted out.

"Saaaaammmm….." His voice pleaded from the kitchen.

With a few choice expletives of her own, she dragged herself from the warmth of her bed, pulled on her robe, and went to see what Rodney had managed to break now.

If she hadn't been so sleepy, Sam would have laughed at the scene before her. That, combined with the fact that nothing her partner did surprised her any more, prevented her from doing so.

Rodney McKay, the world's most foremost expert on the Stargate (as well as herself) was standing barefoot, in flannel pyjamas, his brow furrowed in intense concentration, with his hand stuck inside the toaster.

She put her hands on her hips and sighed.

"How the hell did you do that?" she asked, in the mildly patronising tone of voice with which you would address a small child.

"It ate my toast!" he whined, "I just put my hand in to go after it!"

"You…put your hand…into a toaster," Sam said slowly, "And you are now surprised with the result?"

"Don't patronise me, sweetie," he complained, knowing that his use of that hateful term of endearment would wake her up properly.

He was not disappointed.

"You don't even like toast!" She exclaimed, walking over to him to assess the damage.

"I was just so worn out after last night, I needed to replace the energy," he replied, leering at her.

Sam couldn't help but laugh, his sense of humour was so puerile and immature.

"Come here," she said, peering inside the toaster and gently taking hold of his wrist, "If I can just pull it like this…"

"Ow!" He cried loudly, trying to swat her away with his remaining free hand, "What are you trying to do to me, woman?"

"I'm trying to extract you from the toaster, darling," she said, a dangerous edge to her voice warning him that he had woken her up too early.

"Can't you be gentler?" He pouted.

"You weren't saying that last night," she smirked, moving away before he could hit her again.

Before their conversation plumbed even deeper levels of the gutter, the telephone rang.

"Hello?"

(Loud babbling on the other end of the phone)

"Oh, hi, mom…" Rodney ground out between his teeth, as Sam's mouth turned up at the corners, and her eyes twinkled.

(Continued babbling)

"Sam? Oh, no, she's not here right now."

She glared at him, her hands on her hips. He blew her a kiss, which she ignored, and decided to leave him to get his own damned hand out of the toaster. She went back to the bedroom, shutting the door behind her and collapsing back into her soft, warm bed.

Meanwhile…

"Am I busy?" Rodney looked at the toaster, still attached to his hand, and frowned, "Yeah, I'm working on a little problem right here," he replied.

(Babbling gets louder)

"What was that? What do you mean I have no social life? I have a girlfriend now!"

(Babbling grows indistinct)

"Ok, I'm not going to listen to that! - Pause - What do you mean, you're in town? You want to come over?"

He craned his neck around to see that the bedroom door was firmly closed. Dammit.

"Well, I'd have to ask Sam…"

He looked at the closed door again, deciding that maybe it was time for a little revenge. He had so far not inflicted his parents upon her, but her performance this morning over the toaster incident had neutralised his sympathy. She would get a double dose of mama and papa McKay, after which he would seem like a man from Heaven.

"Sure. I'll see you soon. Yeah, bye."

He switched off the phone, and was about to walk back into the bedroom when he remembered his more pressing problem.

He glared at the toaster.

"You are going straight in the trash when I'm done with you!" he threatened.

The toaster paid him no heed.

"Saaaaammmm!" He whined again, this time a little louder than before.

She squeezed her eyes shut a little tighter, and pulled a pillow down over her head.

"Please get me out!" he wailed, "Or I'll just be stuck in the kitchen forever, my hand completely immobilised…"

Pity it wasn't his mouth, Sam thought darkly, but she gave in, throwing back the duvet and for the second time that morning, leaving behind her hope of a lie-in to remove her partner from the latest catastrophe he had entangled himself with.

"I knew you'd come back," he grinned, "You just can't get enough of me."

"How was your mom?" she asked, turning off the power and looking at the toaster again, deep in thought.

"She's coming over with dad today," he said quietly, hoping that his gamble had paid off.

"Really?" Sam asked, not really processing the information as she pulled at his hand again.

"I thought you'd be pleased," he smirked, biting back his laughter. He couldn't believe that she was paying so little attention to what he was saying - she'd normally have been climbing the walls at the very suggestion of their visiting them.

"A ha!" She smiled, as she did something he couldn't quite see. The toaster made an awful clunking noise, and she looked up at him.

"On 3, I'm going to pull your hand out, ok?"

"Ok."

"1..."

"2..."

"AAAARRRGGHH! You said 3!" He moaned, nursing his burned hand against his chest and pulling away from her.

"Right," she said, "Next time - don't put your hand in it, I don't care what's gotten stuck there!"

He was still frowning as she took his hand in hers. She gently kissed the burned area, but suddenly she stopped.

"Honey?" Rodney asked.

She slowly raised her eyes to meet his.

"Rodney, did you just say…"

"Say what?"

"That your parents….?" Sam faltered.

"Oops," he grinned, "Y'all obviously weren't listening to me the first time."

"How long?" she questioned anxiously.

"Ooh, not too long," he smirked, enjoying her obvious panic, "I…"

"I should have left your hand in that freakin' toaster!" She shouted, running a hand back through her hair. "We've got no food in the house, the place is a pigsty, and now you've just invited your parents to stay? WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?"

"Calm down," he assured her, "At least we've still got ages to-"

The doorbell rang.

To Be Continued…

Author's Note: What do you think? Sorry it's taken absolutely ages to get this chapter up, feedback is gratefully received at Who fancies another?


	3. Arrested Development 3

Title: Arrested Development 3

Rating: PG-13

Feedback: Jus' click on my name, and you're done!

Spoilers: None

Summary: For Sam, this was a moment of realisation that Rodney's parents were actually worse than the man himself - this was something that would take her a little time to get used to. (Sam/McKay)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Warnings: Contains McKay, implied sexual relations

Details: Sam/McKay established relationship. You have been warned! Part 3 of a series.

Author Notes: McKay warning: Yep, he's in it again, so don't read it if you don't like this sort of thing. Hope that you do enjoy it, though, and please send feedback (good or bad). Sorry about the HUGE delay in getting this up, real life has gotten in the way of my muse, unfortunately.

Archive: Heliopolis, Gateworld, 

Arrested Development 3

Copyright © Ruth, June 2006

Previously:

"I should have left your hand in that freakin' toaster!" She shouted, running a hand back through her hair. "We've got no food in the house, the place is a pigsty, and now you've just invited your parents to stay? WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?"

"Calm down," he assured her, "At least we've still got ages to-"

The doorbell rang.

The pair stood still, frozen in the panic of the moment. Despite their combined intelligence, neither knew what to do, when to do it and how to do it. They just shut down.

When they heard the sound of a heavy fist beating on the door, they seemed to spring into life again, running towards the bedroom to throw on some clothes.

"I swear, McKay…" Sam said in a harsh whisper, "You are SO dead for this."

"I didn't know they were going to arrive so soon!" He countered, "It's not completely my fault."

Stumbling out of the room, doing up the buttons on his shirt, he ran to the door, giving himself a quick moment for composure, and opened it.

"Mom, dad. What a wonderful surprise!" He said, with an electric, however false, smile.

"Kept us out here long enough," his dad complained, shoving past his son and into the house.

Sam emerged from the bedroom after dressing hurriedly, and nearly ran straight into Mr McKay, who was already making himself at home.

He looked at her, a sardonic smile curling his lip.

"Bit tall for you, isn't she? Your head barely comes past her waist!"

Rodney smirked, and opened his mouth to reply when he caught the death glare that Sam was shooting him from the opposite side of the room, and clamped it shut again.

"It's nice to finally meet you," Sam offered, smiling at his mother as she sat down.

"Yes…" she replied, sounding anything but pleased.

"Okay," Sam murmured under her breath, casting a nervous look across the room at her lover who, rather than helping the situation, appeared completely stupefied when confronted with his parents and was not moving. At all.

She also noticed that, in his hurry to get dressed, he'd buttoned his shirt wrong. Biting her lip, she was about to say something when..-

"Well? Are you going to get us a drink or not?" Rodney's mother snapped.

"Sure," Sam eventually replied, shocked at the way she was being spoken to, but even more so to find herself thinking that McKay really wasn't that bad after all. At least, he wasn't when his parents were in the room.

Casting a look back over to him, she had to fight not to laugh - in his hurry to dress, McKay had missed the button holes by one and his shirt hung at a peculiar angle to his chest. Before she let a giggle escape, she turned her back on their obnoxious guests and went into the kitchen.

"Do we have any arsenic?" McKay asked softly, walking behind Sam in the kitchen.

"I think I used the last of it," Sam quipped, "Remind me to get a fresh batch. You…uh, might want to take a look at your shirt," she added.

McKay looked down at himself.

"Aw, crap. No wonder my mom thinks I'm incapable of looking after myself!"

"If it's any consolation, darling, your parents make you look positively angelic," she whispered, stirring milk into the mugs of coffee which she had hurriedly prepared.

McKay assumed an offended look and sulkily did up the buttons of his shirt. He was thinking of a sarcastic response, for which he had become legendary, when a loud voice interrupted them.

"Is it POSSIBLE to get lost inside of such a small house as this?"

Rodney rolled his eyes and took the coffee from Sam, going back into the lounge to confront his parents.

"It's not that small, dad," he said, as he handed over the coffee, "Besides, we don't need a big house, there's only the two of us. We don't take up much room."

"And what about if you decide to have children?" his mother snapped.

Sam, who had been taking a long drink from her mug of coffee, nearly choked at this, hurriedly trying to disguise this as a sneeze. Similarly shocked, and unsure of how to respond, McKay squirmed a little on the couch.

"Ah, well, I think…"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," Sam added, with a nervous laugh, "We're only just beginning to get to know one another, right?"

"Yeah!" Rodney added, a little too enthusiastically for his mother's liking.

"So this relationship is purely about the physical, is it?"

At this, Sam decided to abandon her coffee until Rodney's parents had left. On the plus side, it would always be something to rib him about, he had gone bright red and was fiddling with his hands. She had never seen him look nervous before.

"No," Sam said, in an attempt to raise the tone of the conversation, "It's just that we haven't been together long enough to consider having children." (Not that this was something that either of them had considered ANYWAY)

"I know, I mean, can you imagine?" McKay laughed, sounding on the verge of hysteria, "Me as a father?"

"Well you couldn't do a worse job of it than your father!" his mother said hotly.

"Why do you always bring me into this?" His father responded, "I am not to blame for this!"

"Well how else did he turn into an arrogant, sarcastic techno-geek?"

"Mom!" Rodney interjected, "I am still here you know!"

"Well it doesn't come from my side of the family," his father snapped, "We were brought up labourers, we did proper work - men's work!"

"And I don't?" McKay said, looking at Sam, who merely shrugged in response. Truth be told, she was enjoying the floor show.

"This could be an opportunity," she whispered in his ear, "To make our escape."

"We have to escape from our own house?" He asked, incredulously.

"They're your parents!" she shot back, "You tell them to leave!"

"Never amount to anything! ….Waste of time!….Needs to settle down!"

His mother and father were so deep in this argument, it did appear possible for the two of them to remove themselves from the room without being seen. Rodney, however, remained uncertain, fully aware of the sporadic nature of his parents' relationship.

"Uh…mom, dad?" he tried to interrupt, ignoring the look Sam gave him as she rolled her eyes, clearly stating that she thought this was a weak attempt to stop them.

"We've got a mission in a couple of hours, so we need you to go!"

There was a long pause, in which both Sam and Rodney felt as though their very lives (or perhaps it was their sanity) were balanced on a knife-edge. For Sam, at least, this was a moment of personal realisation that Rodney's parents were actually worse than McKay himself, and this was something that would take her a little time to get used to.

"Excellent!" said his father, jumping up instantly and offering his hand to his wife.

"Couldn't get out of here fast enough!" his mother agreed, and got up to leave as well.

"Thank you, thank you, always a pleasure," McKay smiled as he directed them out of the door. Once they were outside, he quickly shut and locked it.

"Oh.My.God," was all that Sam could bring herself to say.

"I know," McKay said sympathetically, "Know you know why."

"But, I mean…really? Like, all of your life?"

"Yep. So, does this mean that you're not angry with me any more, baby? Cause if you're not, I've got a great idea…" he smirked, wrapped his arms around her waist and whispered something in her ear. 

Sam's eyes narrowed.

"Oh, you'll have to do better than that, McKay. Recovering from a visit from your parents deserves a lot more than chocolate sauce!"

THE END

Author's Note: On Ice Cream! Dirty minded people! Hope you enjoyed it, sorry about the TREMENDOUSLY long wait, please feel free to send feedback by clicking on my name. 


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